FLIBBITY.

I got this in an e-mail today. I don't know who wrote it.


I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the
glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every
envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can
I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for
participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking
out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible
mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a
water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes.

Due to your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the
car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these
products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the
microwave because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be
pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a
perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually
Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our
American Troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my
free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have
their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big,
brown, African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant
death when it bites my butt.

Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I
can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up the $5.00 I dropped
in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester
waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

Oh, I almost forgot - I can no longer drive my car
because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM
this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your scalp.
I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next
door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

Have a wonderful day....

Whoa. This is my 65th entry. I did not expect that I had that many.

Too bad more of them weren't GOOD entries, but whatever.

I have really been in a mood lately. And spending way too much time online, especially when I am home in my own apartment, which amounts to about two days a week, if I am lucky. Which also explains why my apartment is so messy. Seeing as I am posting this at 1:40 am, I guess I won't be up early tomorrow being productive!

Part of my problem has been working the 4-12 shift at the hotel. I don't actually mind the actual job during those hours, it just screws everything else up. I have no real reason to get up early, so I sleep in. Then I have been watching TV until it is time to go to work, then I go home, get online for a little bit, then go to bed. It is all very boring. (This is NOT to say that I have not enjoyed staying with my aunt and uncle, because I really really have. More than I ever thought I would. I am going to miss THEM in the fall. Most definitely.)

When I am back in my own apartment full time again, in about a month, I will be back in school full time, and unfortunately probably back at Wal Mart again. So, I guess I should enjoy my sleeping in time now while I have it.

I am so not good at the whole school thing. I just don't like it. But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can stick it out for another year and a half. Ugh. I am sad that it is almost August already. I hate winter and our arctic temperatures.

I am rambling again. I guess that is to be expected at this time of night, er, morning.

I guess I will stop now, as I seem to be unable to put into words the way I have been feeling lately.

Oh, and $3.12 for regular gas? That is ridiculous. I think I should start walking. Too bad that is not an option right now.

Ugh. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Blechhh.

I was just watching the news and they had a story about a woman who found a mouse head in her frozen Salmon dinner! Ugh. I have never had Lean Cuisine and now I never will.

GROSS. Then they offered her $20 and coupons. Yeah, give me 20 cents off and I will totally but your product again.

This may be the best diet plan ever, because who knows what other things that could happen with? I am not going to think about THAT thought too much.

I will say though, that I would never eat salmon anyway. Yuck. Not a seafood fan, no I am not.

In other news, I still really have nothing to write about. It is so very sad. Other people seem to find interesting stuff to write about, why not me?

Oh, and I heard today that Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy want to elope. Huh? I didn't even know they were dating. What a weird couple. Whatever.

~If a centipede wants to kick another centipede in the shins, does he do it one leg at a time? Or does he stand on fifty legs and kick with the other fifty?

~I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade....

Yeah, I've still got nothing.....

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
Car insurance

2. What's the best place to eat a romantic dinner?
I'm not picky

3. Last time you Puked from Drinking?
its been awhile

4. When is the last time you got drunk and danced on a bar?
Less than a month ago.....but not at the same time. Drunk and danced on a table, then less than a week later not very drunk and danced on a bar.

5. Name your first grade teacher.
Mrs. Houth

6. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Um......it is after midnight, so I guess be in bed

7. What did you want to be when you were growing up?
In kindergarten I told my teacher I wanted to be a cowgirl...

8.How many colleges did you attend before you settled on the one you graduated from?
I went to a Community College, got two degrees, and I am now at my second college.

9. Why did you wear the shirt that you have on right now?
Because I wanted to wear a tank top, and I couldn't go out in public without another one over it....

10. Gas Prices! First Thought?
Are ridiculous

11. If you could move anywhere and take someone with you where would you go and who?
I wish I knew.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning???
That I had to get my butt in gear and not waste my day off....and I didn't end up doing much, but that's ok.

13. Last thought before Falling asleep last night?
Damn, I am tired

14. Favorite style of Underwear?
Not grannies

15. Favorite style of Underwear for the opposite sex?
CLEAN

16. What Errand/Chore do you despise?
can't think of one

17. If you didn't have to work, what would you do?
Travel

18. Get up early or sleep in?
Depends on the day....I like both

19. Your Favorite Cartoon Character?
Ruthie. Do comic strips count? They do now.

20. Favorite NON sexual thing to do at night with a girl/guy is?
I guess that would depend on the person and my mood.

21. A secret that you wouldn't mind everyone knowing?
It probably wouldn't be a secret then would it?

22. What was your First Car?
Chevy Celebrity

24. Your Favorite Lunch Meat?
Fresh Roast Turkey

25. What do you get every time you go into a Walmart?
Yogurt. Weird, I know.

26. Beach Or Lake?
Lake

27. Do you think Marriage is an outdated ritual that was invented by people who died at 20?
No, but I think that a lot of people don't take it seriously.

28. Who do you Stalk on myspace?
Nobody

29. Favorite Guilty Pleasure?
the internet

30. Favorite Movie you wouldnt want anyone to find out about?
If I didn't want anyone to find out, why would I list it here? I will admit that I watched the Muppets Take Manhattan recently....it was kind of scary how much of that movie I remembered. I probably hadn't seen it in 20 years!

31. What's your drink?
varies.....I like Diet Pepsi and Smirnoff Ice though. And V8.

32. Cowboys or Indians
Cowboys, George Strait is one. Giddyup.

33. Cops or Robbers?
Cops...heh heh...who me?

34. Do you cheer for the bad guy?
No

35. What Hollywood star do you think resembles you best?
Hopefully none.

36. If you had to pick one cast member of Grey's Anatomy, which one would you be?
I have only watched a few times.....so none. If you said CSI NY, I would be the trusty sidekick of the one and only Gary Sinise.

37. What do you want when you are sick?
Bed and bad TV.

38. Who from High School would you like to run into?
A few people

39. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
95.5 in the morning when I am at my apartment. We can't get that station in the boonies. In the afternoon 102.3, again when I am home.

41. Stiffler or Oz?
Huh? Guess I am sheltered. I have no answer.

42. Norm or Cliff?
They could both be annoying

43. The Cosby Show or the Simpsons?
Both

44. Worst Relationship Mistake that you wish you could take back?
Taking too much shit from men. Let's just leave it at that.

45. Do you Like the Person who sits directly across from you at work
Depends on who is sitting there.

46. If you could get away with it who would you kill?
Abusive assholes

47. What Famous person would you like to have dinner with?
George Strait or Gary Sinise

48. What famous Person would you like to sleep with?
probably none. I don't want to be famous. The media is relentless.

49. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose
Haven't had to use one at all

50. Last book you read for real?
I can't remember...it was a book that my mom let me borrow. I think I liked it...

51. Do you have a teddy bear?
several

52. Strangest Place you have ever brushed your teeth?
I don't think I have brushed my teeth in any strange places

53. Somewhere in California you've never been and would like to go?
Anywhere. Well, maybe not. San Diego, I have heard the weather is perfect.

54. How many times a day do you text?
Probably every day.

55. At this point in your life would you rather start a new career or relationship?
Career, if I could think of one I want to do...

56. Do you go to church?
rarely

57. Pencil or Pen?
Pen

58. Describe your favorite Day?
Any day off with no plans is usually good

I AM STILL SUFFERING FROM BLOGGER'S BLOCK....or whatever they call it.

I guess I am just really boring. So, in the interest of posting something, I did this dumb survey. Lame, I know. I keep hoping that I will hit a creative streak...

/

First Name:	Jennifer
Middle Name:	Leah
Birthday:	April 28 (write that down!)
Eyes:	Blue
Hair:	Brown
Fav color:	RED
Day/Night:	Night, I guess
Fave Food:	Pizza with Bacon
FRIENDS AND LIFE
Do you ever wish you had another name?	Nope
Do you like anyone?	Believe it or not, yes I do. (Wait, did you mean the opposite sex?)
Which one of your friends acts the most like you?	Jocelyn
Who's the loudest?	idk
Who have you known the longest of your friends?	Jocelyn
Who's the shyest:	idk...this question is dumb.
Are you close to any family members?	Yes
When you cried the most:	When my grandmother died
What's the best feeling in the world:	I would guess not having to worry about money is right up there
Worst Feeling:	Money woes kind of suck....
FINISH EACH SENTENCE:
Let's walk on the:	wlid side. (misspelled on purpose....long story)
Let's run through:	the sprinkler...I wanted to the other day
Let's look at the:	pictures
What a nice:	Monte Carlo
Where did all the:	stupid people come from
Why can't you:	people on the phone spit it out?
Silly, little:	flibbidy
Tell me:	something funny
HAVE YOU:
Ran away from home:	No
Pictured your crush naked:	Uhhhhh.......
Skipped school:	once or twice
Broken someone's heart:	not on purpose
Been in love:	who the heck knows
Cried when someone died:	Duh
Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have:	Probably
Done something embarrassing:	who me?
Done a drug:	not my thing
Cried in school:	most likely
RANDOM
Your Good Luck Charm:	don't have one...maybe THAT'S my problem
Person You Hate Most:	I wouldn't say I HATE anyone....strong dislike maybe, but not hate
Best Thing That Has Happened:	My sister's wedding is right up there
Ice Cream:	Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
WHO Makes you laugh the most:	Lots of people.......including Dane Cook
Makes you smile:	too many to list
Has A Crush On You:	no comment
Do You Have A Crush On Someone:	yeah, a couple
HAVE YOU EVER
Fallen for your best friend?:	No
Made out with JUST a friend?:	Yes
Kissed two people in the same day?:	No
Had sex with two different people in the same day?:	No
Been rejected: .	Duh
Been in love?:	you already asked me that
Been used?:	yes
Done something you regret?:	who hasn't? nothing too major though.
Cheated on someone?:	No
Been called a tease:	probably
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
You touched?:	I don't know...
You talked to on the phone?:	Chuck
You hugged?:	ummm.....I don't know
You instant messaged?:	Chuck
You kissed?:	p
You yelled at?:	haven't done much yelling lately
Who text messaged you?:	Chuck
Who broke your heart?:	um......it has been a while....I would have to think about that
Who told you they loved you?:	probably Mom or Dad....
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

This is one of my favorite songs EVER. Don't watch it if you don't like it. Oh, and BP is the reason I like this song...SUCH a hottie. The John Mayer version is OK, but he always makes weird faces. I think Brad sings it better....

Okay, maybe not EVER, but it is still pretty funny.

I laughed my ass off the first time I saw this...and it still cracks me up! (Partly because I used to HATE Neil Diamond....)

So instead of stirring shit up on other people's blogs and being told to Shhhhh, I figured I better write something. (Sorry about that, but don't fucking sush me. Hate. That. That will so not be allowed in my house, when I have one. Someday.) Hate. IT. It is very irksome.

I know I talk alot. Love me anyway. Because I said so, AND you know you want to.

I have been suffering from severe bloggers block. I hate that! But I thought I would just throw some random shizz out there:

1. I HATE that song "Bad Day", I know, I know. I have said it before, but why the heck hasn't that song gone away yet?

2. Why is it that when you wear dark colored nail polish YOU CAN"T GET IT ALL OFF? Seriously, my nails look like shiz right now. Guess I need to use another semi-dark color. It's a vicious cycle, I tell ya!

3. What is up with people bringing small children to Wal Mart late at night? I went there at 11:30 last night and saw kids under the age of 5! WTF? The reason I go there so late is to decrease my chances of encountering the poster children for birth control. I have to say though, that the kids I saw last night were well behaved. That is a miracle in that place.

4. Oh, and there were way too many teenagers there too. They wouldn't be so bad if they weren't the dumb ones.

5. I have dealt with a lot of dumb people in general lately. My latest biggest annoyances? People who call the hotel and ask for a quiet room. HELLO? It is a HOTEL. I understand that sometimes your neighbors in a hotel may be obnoxious, but do you really think they call up and tell us ahead of time that they will be obnoxious? Isn't the whole point of staying in a hotel to sleep? It is just a dumb question. I even had one dumbass ask me four times during one phone call if the rooms were quiet! And then he asked if the rooms were clean. No, dude, the place is a dump. Even if it was (which it is definitely NOT) do you think I would be allowed to tell you that? DUH. Then he asked me which was nicer...the hotel I work at or the one next door. HELLO?

I guess that is all I have for now. Sorry if this post sucked too.

Random grammar lesson of the day: "Prolly" is not a word.

Get this video and more at MySpace.com



Get this video and more at MySpace.com

Once again I have absolutely nothing to post about. NOTHING.

*sigh*

Guess I am really that boring. I probably shouldn't even be wasting blog space here.

I don't even have anything to complain about! What is up with THAT? Just wait until the fall when I am back in school, most likely back at Wal-Mart, and summer is over. I will have -30 degree temperatures to look forward to...isn't THAT a lovely thought.

I love summer time. I love not being in school. BUT I do not love not having any money, so school it is. Guess I have to get into more debt to hopefully not be in debt someday.

But I think I am weird. Why you ask? Well, there are many reasons. But the one that has stuck out lately is the whole marriage and kids thing. I am not really feeling it. Could be due to the fact that I haven't met anyone worth wasting my time with. I guess by 28 it is normal for girls to be freaking out about the whole family thing. I am not really. I guess I would like all that someday, but you would think by now I would be more sure about it. Who the heck knows. I would rather be single and OK with that than unhappy in a bad relationship. My sister got married recently, and pretty much all of my cousins are hooked up, except me. But instead of freaking out about it, I kind of feel better about it as time goes by. I think it is a good thing. I don't EVER want to feel dependent on someone else. (For example, I never want to be one of those women whose husband leaves them years later and then they realize they have no marketable job skills.)

As for the children issue....I. Am. So. NOT. Ready. I cannot imagine having children right now. But at the same time I don't want to be a 40 year old first time mother.

It is all very weird to me.

Didn't it?

Please forgive me.....but it is not nice having teeth issues.

WTF is going on lately? Seriously. I kept seeing dumbasses hanging out in the road tonight. Uh hello? I get that pedestrians have the right of way, but this big bitch (the car, not me!) will run your ass over, so MOVE IT. I have no problems with people crossing, duh, but don't be hanging out in the road after dark. Then again, this could have something to do with natural selection.

I think there is a full moon or some shit though. I was way over my quota for weirdos and dumbasses today. There was this one crazy dude who called me up rambling about a whole lot of nothing, who I later found out was walking around in a cowboy hat with pens sticking out of his ears. And he apparently tears up money. Dumbass. If I see him again, I may offer to "tear up" the money for him.

Then there were the phone idiots. I think I am blocking the memories of them from my mind because I can't think of any good examples right now, but let me tell you, death by phone cord was starting to sound good to me.

I am going to stop now, before this post turns into a fiasco like the last one.

Not my fault cement on teeth is highly annoying....